THIS WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLES

---

An invitation arrives
Have you ever received an invitation which throws you into a complete spin? First thought is “What should I wear?” Important, but not really the main worry if it is a very formal event which involves a meal.
When we’re eating at home it is much more casual, preferably sitting around a table with a few basic rules, like not speaking with our mouths full of food. But a formal event can be more complex and overwhelming.
The rules of etiquette need to be known. Etiquette  is the set of norms of personal behaviour in polite society, usually occurring in the form of an ethical code of the expected and accepted social behaviours that accord with the conventions and norms observed and practised by a society, a social class, or a social group. In modern English usage, the French word étiquette dates from the year 1750!
Firstly, consider cutlery and tableware. There may be three or more forks, and just as many knives and spoons. These can include a shellfish fork, a soup spoon, or a fish knife and fork, all in addition to the main dinner knife and fork. When in doubt, “the basic rule to remember is that you should always start at the outside and work your way inward so that the largest tools are used for the main course”.
Another tip is to wait for the host or hostess to begin eating, if you can see them from where you are sitting.
Then there is the cloth napkin. What is the correct etiquette there? It is always tempting to tuck it at one’s neck to save spilling food or drink on that expensive outfit – but that would be wrong! The right thing to do is to put it over your lap – often done for you by a waiter.
Interestingly, the first paper napkins are believed to have appeared in ancient China, where they were used in little baskets that carried tea cups. Many cultures (including the Romans) used finger bowls for removing food remnants from their hands. The first napkin was edible. We can thank the Spartans in Ancient Greece for that. In those days, they ate everything by hand. That led to the common use of a soft dough to clean off the fingers, a food object called apomagdalie. “Table cloths and napkins were unknown; the place of the latter was taken by soft dough, on which the fingers were rubbed,” explains 19th-century archaeologist Hugo Blümner in The Home Life of the Ancient Greeks. “At large banquets, sometimes towels and water for washing the hands were handed round between the courses, and this was always done at the end of a meal. The practice of using the fingers for eating made this indispensable…  A big turning point for the role of the napkin actually might have been the fork. In an 1887 edition of Good Housekeeping, writer Albert Aylmer noted that the fork, which took a while to gain acceptance in Europe, made the napkin a bit less essential for most meals.”
But you are unlikely to see paper napkins at your formal event! “Paper napkins! Who ever heard of such nonsense! What good are they?” Paper napkins were seen as something of a faux pas in social settings until around the 1950s, when the product improved and convenience won out. A major turning point came in 1948, when American etiquette author Emily Post gave paper napkins a partial seal of approval. When asked whether it was better to reuse a cloth napkin or use a fresh paper one, she went with paper!”
Do you remember the rule ‘no elbows on the table’, but where did that originate? No one seems to know for sure, but the rule is common to many cultures. There is even a reference to it in the Old Testament of the Bible, (Ecclesiasticus 41:19). In the 16th century, the Dutch philosopher Erasmus warned that only those weakened by old age or infirmity should rest their elbows on the table!
Most of the above applies to a formal meal in Australia or the UK but if you are lucky enough to receive an invitation whilst overseas do check up on the local etiquette. It varies hugely in different countries so be warned.
Above all, enjoy the experience, as it is not given to many.
Marian Hearn
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/napkin-dining-table-recycling
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette

Scroll to Top